I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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