Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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