Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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