just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
