Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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