Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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