The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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