You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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