i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You can't special order awesome
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
