The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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