glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
