Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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