i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
