How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
