i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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