did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
