Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
