dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
