Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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