She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
