I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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