I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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