Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
