adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
