I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
