When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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