I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
