For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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