I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
