I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
