Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
