I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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