remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
