well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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