When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
