he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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