She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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