2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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