Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
