guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
