I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
