Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
