Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
