sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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