her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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