you win again, gameday.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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