you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
