Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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