I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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