Who did Billy Mays play for?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
