kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
